For the record, I never really ‘plan’ my breaks of silence. I don’t wake up one day and say, ‘Today, I’ll stop posting/writing for several months.’ Instead, it often starts with me feeling overwhelmed by life, and that feeling snowballs into what equals months of silence.”

I have stated in past blog posts that I don’t “push myself to perform,” that everything I do is intentional and natural. This is also true for my writing. So during this period of “non-reflection,” I truly struggled to process everything that I had just experienced, with life continuously still moving, I felt as if there was no room for me to “breathe” or “process” all of the large transitions I was experiencing.

Last travel season was great for me, I changed in ways I never imagined possible, and when I finally came home to Ghana, this reality, all the changes, they all hit me like a ton of bricks; I was not the same person any longer. While I was prepared to continue the growth I had achieved during the previous months, what I was navigating was actually much different.

Ghana has always been my safe haven, my place of peace, away from the outside world. As long as my foot was on that soil, I was ok. Ghana holds something very dear to me, my friends and family. And as a proud black sheep, it was nice to feel as if I had found my herd. It didn’t matter the night, nor the day, or the time; I always knew where I’d find my people, and they knew where my home was. And being that I had been gone for so long, home was ready to welcome me too.

I remember the first night I arrived back home, the first thing you feel when you arrive is always that sweet Ghana heat. With my “passing” Twi in hand, I was ready and knew how to navigate the night, leading into those streets.

It was nice going back home, I literally carried 15kG worth of souvenirs. Some were handpicked specifically for certain people, others were picked for anyone I came across. I wanted to show Ghana how much I love them and how much of them I carried with me.

It was really nice, those first few weeks of me being back. Hitting up my old places, seeing familiar faces. Seeing my people achieve and celebrate in some of their largest moments. Working to grow and deepen those friendships and connections. Showing Ghana more of me, after the love they expressed, and the support that was given.

If you followed my Instagram this past winter/December, then you know that I experienced a lot of great achievements of my own last year. From walking in several runway shows to being featured on the BBC and NPR radio, I had truly had a great season… and I felt as if I was on such a HIGH.

But the only thing that was missing… was a space where I could truly reflect on what I was experiencing; the realization that my image was now all over Google and ALL social media platforms, that people now knew more about me than ever before, the countless emails and requests that flooded my email and dm’s daily. All this, while still needing to sit, process, and deeply reflect on all that I had experienced earlier in the year, before coming home.

The Travels, The Lessons, Beyonce, South East Asia… 9 months of “moments” that needed much reflection.

Instead, life kept moving, and I eventually realized that while Ghana is truly without a doubt my home. It is not where I continue my inner/personal growth. It’s where I celebrate the growth I’ve made. It is a place to create memories, stay up later than the sun, and go to sleep after the moon. — It is like the poppy field in The Wizard of Oz. Or if you are into the Percy Jackson series, it’s a lot like the Lotus Casino.

Before you know it, several months have passed, and you have completely drifted off the path you planned on walking, and actually haven’t looked back in a while to see which way you actually came from. For me, Ghana is a place where you go off “vibes”, and “spur of the moment”, it doesn’t go well with plans and intentionality, unless that plan is Republic on a Tuesday night…

Now, this doesn’t mean that you get “lost” when you come to Ghana; it just means you’re on a very exciting, memory-making, side quest, and it may have taken the main priority in your life at the moment. Those late nights to mid mornings, the countless drinks, non-stop parties, and of course those talented DJs, all create a recipe that whisks you away to a place that feels real, but really isn’t. It will have you in a trance, one so good, you think THIS is the plot, the mission. That THIS is the definition of living, and that you are truly experiencing life. But in truth… that’s not the case.

And I honestly needed that wake-up call.

I have such a strong love affair with my home country, Ghana, the place I see my own reflection in most. Yet it’s the same place that I feel, sometimes, holds me back. A place where I can never fully stretch my wings, I can never JUST BE. And trying to be yourself in a country full of people willing to perform can make you feel as if you are on an island.

My problem is that I actually realized this years ago, I just refused to believe it, and in a way, I still do. Someone once said to me, “Ghana is like that toxic relationship you just can’t stay away from, no matter how hard you try. — Truer words have never been said. No matter how hard I try, I can never stay away from it.

I did so much self-work last year while I was traveling, and when I returned home, it was almost like… I was returning to this version of myself that no longer existed. It was like I was constantly chasing this Ghost, and a shell version of myself. But the problem was, I was not that girl, and I was struggling to still be her.

And once I stopped and realized that, my priorities changed. My sole focus became just a few questions: “What steps do I need to take to reconnect with the version of myself that I discovered while traveling? and “What do I need to do to continue growing as a woman and person?”, “How do I get back to me?”

And that’s when I realized, for me, traveling is the purest and most aggressive form of growth and self-discovery. Traveling is like a university I tried to drop out of, and realized it’s actually where I was destined to be. And it was a way of life, filled with lessons that I simply could not afford to miss out on. I truly discovered something about myself