The number one question people always ask me when they see me is, “What happened to your leg?”
It’s a question I’ve hated for years, but I’ve learned not to let things get to me anymore. Still, it’s a rude question to ask.

As a kid, I used to tell people that an alligator bit it off and ate it, or that we were so poor my dad chopped it off and we ate it for dinner. Growing up in Mississippi, it fit into the ’90s stereotypes, and little me had a sense of humor about it. These days, if you ask me, depending on my mood, that’s the answer you’ll get. Some people think I’m bowlegged, others might think I twisted my ankle, but to an older man in Chicago, I just have the gout.

And if you’re lucky, you might catch me in a sharing mood, and I’ll tell you the truth.

The thing about sharing is that you get to choose just how much you give to the world. So here’s what you need to know: I am a childhood cancer survivor. In fact, I’m a Make-a-Wish kid—how many people can say that at 32? [Cue the thoughts that bring us here today.] Cancer is fucking disgusting. I don’t think I need to break that down for anyone. But losing my leg at such a young age had way more adverse effects than I was ever aware of. [They say we choose our lives.]

I’ve lived this way for as long as I can remember. This is all I know. Navigating life with this—and all that I know—has been the ultimate challenge. The world is fucking disgusting, it is. It’s actually been the cancer in my life. [Ironic, right?] I’ve learned a lot in this life, not just about people, but also about myself.

Sometimes, people who haven’t seen me in years run into me. Honestly, I might not even remember who they are. [I mean this humbly, but this life has been long.] They always talk about how “strong” I was and how I didn’t let anyone “push me around.” Those words have changed meaning over the years.

At first, I took it as, “Oh, I was a problem child”—this was the long-term theme I somehow adopted. But as I got older, people started complimenting me on these exact same traits. The same situation where I got suspended from school for yelling in the cafeteria is the same story someone will remind me of 15 years later, telling me how I didn’t let anyone push me around, and that they always thought I was such a “badass.”

Eventually, I heard the message for what it was: “With everything I’ve been through, I have continuously stood strong and refused to let anyone treat me any kind of way.” This trait came out of me without choice, but it did, in fact, make me strong.

The purpose of me sharing this with you is twofold:

1. To answer the question everyone always asks me—hopefully, this means fewer DMs asking about it on Instagram.
2. To be an inspiration to others who are going through a really hard time in life, feeling like they can’t get their head above water.

People with disabilities defy their own limitations all the time. While I may not be the first or the last to have a journey like mine, I still want to share aspects of my life and story. Frankly, the world doesn’t have enough positivity anymore, and I’ve always tried my best to remain positive and a good person, regardless of what the world throws at me. I’ve always believed that positivity and good intentions will always deflect negative vibes. So, while I’ve received negativity [and sometimes still do], I always try my best to be intentional with the way I treat others—treating them the way I would want to be treated. Since I was often treated like shit, I always tried to be a better person because I didn’t want others to feel how I did.

Today, I’m a grown woman who’s learned a lot, and I’m still learning—not just about the world, but also about myself and the ableist thoughts and behaviors I’ve adjusted to in order to survive. I’ve spent 85% of my life fighting and surviving. If it wasn’t fighting for my life, it was fighting for love, peace, food, or fighting for people to stop putting their hands on me, with even more sprinkles of fighting for my life along the way. I feel like it wasn’t until I turned 27 or 28 that my life finally found some chill—my waters have calmed. With that said, I’m grateful to have survived all of my battles, and even more grateful that my hardest battles are now behind me.

My fight with life is a long and exhausting story, but it’s one I do plan to share. For now, though, I want to share how I’m choosing to live and spend my “retirement.” Yeah, that’s what this is called.

“My Retirement.”

What’s the hardest fight you’ve had to face in your life, and how did it shape who you are today?