Happy New Years Folks!

While we are a few days into the new year I still wanted to ensure I put time aside to share my thoughts about this upcoming years, and some goals I am hoping to achieve. Obvously the start of this blog is marking the start of someting new in my life, but I want to share more in depth about where I am headed for this year.

I mentioned in prevous post my love for travel, and the thirst that I have always had to see the world. This year, I want to finally embrance the chances and opportunities that I have now that allow me to do such that. I am in a unqiue postion as a single black woman, who has a disablity, who has the ability to travel freely across the world. I can admit even to myself the sentence is daunting, but its a journey that I am excited to embark on. My trip to Malta truly showed me how freeing it can be to travel alone, also acting as practice for me to further learn how to care for myslef in a new place.

I never thought as a young girl that this is something that I would be doing, I have to admit I have a few self-ableist thoughts about myself, as a result of my upbrining. So the idea of me traveling across the wrold wasnt something I thought I actaully “could” do. Eveything that I have accomplished in these past few years are all very new, its why I decided to come back and share some of what I have been through, and the things that I am doing inspite of it.

If you look back at the start of my life you will see that I had a lot stacked against me to be alive in this day. I have have countless chances of not seeing this day, yet by extrememe blessing and mircles that I live to not only share my story, but to experince more in life. And this is what I want 2025 to be about, I have realtered my life [again] to allow me to enjoy life to the fulliest.

They say that we as adults are supposed to work hard in our 20’s+ getting a stable job that will provide you with a retirement plan, so that in your 60’s you can finally have the time and money to live your life. Outside of this plan being completely unreasonable for the average human, I believe this to be especially true for those who have suffered chronic/long term illnesses or disabilities. After spending 80% of my childhood and 50% of my 20’s there is no way in HELL [respectfully] that I can physically and mentally devote anoher 40 years to the workforce.

I know some of you are thinking “Well if you have a disablity, why dont you apply for disability checks”?.

I was on disablity twice in my life, once as a small child when I was sick, and the second time was in my 20’s. As a kid that money went to helping my mom out, eventally I stopped getting the checks due to them deaming me “inedible” feeling I was “too active” to need it, being that I had a missing limb — granted I was climbing up trees, and driving 4-wheelers, so I was doing fine for a 6 year old with an ampuation, but it didnt mean we didnt need the finical support.

The second time I got disablity it was irnoically given to me due to my missing limb. While the money was helpful, it still wasnt enough for me to take care of myself. Once a month the US Treasury would deposit a check into my account for $700 to cover the cost of my housing and other bills that go into supporting me. It doesnt take a mathematician to know that $700 is not enough to get an apartment living in anywhere in America. Due to pending evection I was forced to move into an apartment with a friend [turned very toxic] and I eventually had to get a job so that I could afford to get my own place. Which evenally lead me to loosing the beneifts, due to a “cap” they place on your income.

The only way I could survive and live the life I do was most of us does, and get a job. However, my body was 30 years of physical truama as result of my disability, and I physically cannot finction at the same level of my peers. Now this isnt saying that I am weak, beacuse I infact function well beyond my preassumed limits. Its just saying that I cant always function at 100%, somtimes I only have enough *Spoons [*will break down the *Spoon Theroy* in a future post] to last me the day. Maybe today I only have 75%, so I have to adjust my days plans to account for my bodys daily energy. So I cannot be expected to provide high proformance works for the next 40 years, regardless of job type.

Ok, so you may be asking — “what does all of this have to do with your 2025 goals?”

Well, since I already have had so many barriers, physical hardships, and death-escapes that created daily challenges for me. Why would I wait until is deemed my “retirement years” to enjoy my life? When I am 60/70 years old, I honestly see myself being tried, exhusted from years of walking on a prosthethic, and I know there will be days where I wont even want to wear it. [or maybe I could be bionic granny and running around — who knows] but I dont want to risk the chance that I enjoy and experince life while I have the *spoons* to. Physically right now, I am in a really good place, while I do not have the same knee I had when was 16, it and the rest of my body are still strong and doing well for 32.

So I dont want to wait — I want to go see and explore the world now. None of us knowns how much longer any of us have left in life, in my experiences I have come to face with it more than most. Shouldnt I take advantage of the life and abilites that I have today? Yes!! Thanks for agreeing with me!! And thats exacly what I am doing to do. I have decided that in 2025, I am going to take a break from Ghana, and go traveling for a few months, with just myself and the items in my suitcase. For the most part I want to travel and see the world — because who doesnt!! But most importantly I want to show people that disablity doesnt mean disabled, and just because you may have to do it “differently ” doesnt mean you cant do it all together.

Some people’s goals are to get into thier dream Ivy Leauge University. Some may want to become a Broawdwat dancer, others may simply want to live to see another day; all of them dream of tomorrow. Sometimes your “today” may challenge you face, some hardships you never wish to navigate, these days may feel larger than your dreams of tomorrow. Making them feel so out of reach, as if the only option is to give up, and left life defeat you. Never let life defeat you. While the road may be hard today, the rain will not always be here tomorrow. Eventally, the pain will stop — so feel what you need, do what you can, and when you are ready, get up and keep moving. I first wanted to quit at 16, then the feeling was on and off for the next 10 years, it wasnt until I was 27 until things started to slow down.

So for the kids who have invisable phyical illnesses, to the teens and young adults who struggle with mental health issues; the ones who feel that “tomorrow” may never come. I want to show them and inspre them that it will come — and while saying “just keep pushing” doesnt feel appropriate, it is true. Feel what you need, and when youre ready, get up and move, never stop moving, and one day the sun will come out.

Today, my sun is out, and it is shining high in the sky; its rays kiss my skin, the child who grew up to be me sits comofortably waiting for the next journey. Not only am I being called to move, I am being called to fly, so that I can inspire others to move.

Life sucks, today is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

I want to travel and inspire others that tomorrow will be better, and while that tomorrow may take 10 years to come, the point is that the pain WILL stop, its inevitable. So allow me to share my happiness, after 25 years of non-stop pain as proof that it does get better, and the type of things that can be done during those days of “better”.

I hope you will join me as I start my journey, not only experiencing life, but sharing the world what the possibilities of tomorrow could be.